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Actions Louder Than Words
By Edward A. DenisonThe nonverbal messages that you portray can speak louder than the verbal message you want to send.
It is estimated that 85 % to 93% of the message that the other person picks up about us has little to do with the actual words they hear coming from our lips.
It begins even before you say your first word in an interview. By the time the interviewer walks toward you, or as you enter their office, opinions and subjective evaluations are already being formed. Yours - I wonder if they have a headache why are they staring so hard? ? Theirs ? I wonder if I am really able to hire someone I really need ? what happened to their left shoulder? I wonder why they bite their nails?
It is estimated that our right brain can process 5000+bits of information about what we see and who we are seeing, in the first 3 seconds. It all basically has to do with congruence, and - Are they a safe person? Will they answer truthfully? Do they have an attitude? What is it? Will they like me?
There you sit, waiting to give your carefully prepared answers to questions you've read in the files or the ones that you were coached with. And all the while you are already being judged by your appearance, posture, smile, what you are doing with your hands, your feet, how you sit, the fit of your clothes or the style or the colours, or the shape of your fingernails?. or your nervous look. All this is enough to make you very paranoid, and ready to run. But you can?t do that.
A study done at UCLA, in the mid 90?s revealed that the impact of a performance was based on 7 percent of the words actually used, 38 percent on voice quality (pressured, halting, quiet, too loud, too high, too low, too fast, too slow, lisping, dry mouthed?), and 55 percent on nonverbal communication.
Remember back to the speakers or teachers you've enjoyed listening to. Which ones stand out as memorable? The ones who were more animated and entertaining or the ones that just gave out information?
I am not suggesting that you have to entertain the interviewer (no jokes or magic tricks, please!), but it does mean that the conversation needs to more interactive than just the answering of questions. If you say you are excited about the prospect of working for this company, or the challenge of the position but don't show any enthusiasm, or shining eyes, your message will probably fall flat. That?s called congruence. Smile, gesture once in a while, show some energy, breathe, and make the experience more pleasurable for both sides.
Something that is a secret, that is not common knowledge ? is that the interviewer is very likely more nervous than you. Why? To hire for a position that is vacant costs approx. $2000 dollars plus an inordinate amount of time and effort.
The Position has to be advertised. To do that the position has to be factored for the required duties and possible education/training required. Someone has to be delegated to do advertising, internally, or outside, set cut-off dates, do the resume reading, sorting, short listing, interviewing, checking references, decision making ? if there is no personnel/ HR department. In a small business ? which accounts for over 90% of the businesses out there - this is one of the staff ? which means his/her productivity is decreased. Then the actual interview ? the interviewer is acutely aware that resumes are padded, experience and training are fattened, or omitted for a reason, and that the interviewee ? that?s you, has carefully rehearsed all the right answers, the right look perhaps, the motions, everything to close the sale and get you hired. What if the interviewer has made a mistake in his/her choice? Most people in a new job need at least 3 to 6 months to get up to speed and learn the company?s way of doing things. What if by then you are in the union? What if you are a dud? How will they ever get rid of you then? Or retrain you or redeploy you? If there is no union, how to tell you that somehow you have not made the mark, and then the negotiation starts for more chances, or retraining?. And so it goes. Thus it is that the interviewer has much more at stake than you do. If accepted, bonus ? now you get to do your stuff. If not, then back to the keyboard and sending out more resumes. I hope that by showing the other side ? what the interviewer is actually feeling ? can make it a little easier for you to be yourself in the interview. However, here are some nonverbal pitfalls to watch for:
The handshake: It's your first encounter with the interviewer. He/she holds out his/her hand and receives a limp, damp hand in return -- not a very good beginning. Your handshake needs to be firm -- not sumo wrestling bone-crushing -- and your hand preferably be dry and warm. Try running cold water on your hands when you first arrive at the interview site. Run warm water if your hands tend to be cold. The insides of your wrists are especially sensitive to temperature control. Having a tissue in your purse of pants pocket with a tiny amount of talcum powder helps ? I said a tiny amount ? otherwise you get clouds of white dust flying everywhere and white hand prints on the furniture.
Your posture: Stand and sit erect. I?m talking "ramrod" cadet posture, but showing some energy and enthusiasm. A slouching posture looks tired, dejected, uninspiring and uncaring. Imagine puppet strings suspending you easefully in your walk and sitting. Check yourself out in a mirror or on videotape.
Eye contact: Look the interviewer in the eye. You don't want to stare, as this shows aggression or fear. Fight ? flight. Occasionally, and nonchalantly, glance at the interviewer's lips or hand as he/she is speaking. A small number of people, in fact, will look at lips rather than eyes naturally. If you are quite shy and looking in someone?s eyes is difficult, look at the spot called the third eye on the interviewer?s face ? it is between the eyebrows and slightly above - this gives you a soft look and one of attentiveness. Remember to smile with your eyes, not just your lips. Doing so relaxes the face, and you can smile that way and look calm. On the contrary, if you are constantly looking around the room while you are talking, you convey a lack of confidence or discomfort with what is being discussed. Be aware that some cultures find it uncomfortable to make eye contact. In that case, look at their lips. Monitor your eyelid blink rate. Tense people tend to blink at a rapid rate and need to soften their eyes.
Breathing rate: Tense people tend to breath with the top part of their chest and their shoulders go up and down. This again is part of the fight-flight syndrome. Your breathing rate will greatly affect the interviewer and they won?t really know why. With something called ?entrancement?, you can model a feeling and mood for the person you are with ? so therefore, breathe at a fairly slow rate, from your gut. That is, as you breathe in, your belly comes out. And as you breathe out, your belly goes in. Boxers, divers, judo practitioners, ballet dancers, wrestlers, and young children breathe this way, as it is the most natural for centring oneself. Again, you can set the mood non-verbally and the interviewer just knows that he/she is feeling very comfortable with you.
Your hands: Gesturing or talking with your hands is very natural. Getting carried away with hand gestures can be distracting, especially if you knock stuff of the interviewer?s desk. Also, avoid touching your mouth or covering it while talking. Be aware of your hands doing nervous things while you are deep in thought. This could include anything from pulling hair, twisting buttons, to examining the contents of your ears or nose or scratching yourself in private places. Watch yourself in a mirror while talking on the phone. Chances are you may probably use some of the same gestures in an interview.
Don't fidget: There is nothing worse than someone playing with his or her hair, a briefcase zipper or clasp, clicking a pen top, tapping the foot, or unconsciously touching parts of the body. Squirming in a seat will actually cause the interviewer to become tense, and they won?t know why.
Be aware too of the interviewer?s processing style. That is, are they an auditory person and do they say a lot of things like ? ?It sounds good to me,?; ?I hear you loud and clear.?; ?That is just static or noise.? ? in other words is using the words that show their predominant style is through sound. Or visual ? ?It?s looking good.?; ?Clear as a picture.?; ?Let me show you.?; ?I?ll draw you a picture.? This style of learning and communicating relies on the visual. Then there is the sensory and kinesethic. The first deals with emotions ? ?It feel good when??; ?I like??; ?I am happiest when??; and the second deals with body states, ?I am off balance??; I feel lost when??; ?it makes me sick??; I think you can get the picture (visual)! It is comforting to a visual person when they hear a visual person using their types of processing. Same for the others. If you can get an awareness of their style and use it also, instant rapport seems to be established without the conscious awareness of the interviewer. But, you know.
The idea is to put the interviewer totally at ease and see you as the most positive answer he/she has had all day to hiring the right person. It is easy.
Preparing what you have to say is important, but practicing how or why you will say it is even more important.
